48 Laws of Power - Law 13: When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interest, never to their mercy or gratitude

                                                           From my throne, I have watched thousands of people ask me for help. Nobles and common folk, merchants and soldiers, all wanting something from their king. After many years, I learned a simple truth about people. This truth has helped me rule my kingdom well.

Here is the secret: when you ask someone for help, never remind them of past favors or beg for their kindness. Instead, show them how helping you will benefit them. This is the thirteenth law of power, and it works every time.

Why Reminding People of Favors Doesn't Work

Imagine a nobleman once saved another from losing his land. Years later, the first man needs help. He goes to the man he saved and says, "Remember when I saved your estate? Now I need your help."

What happens? Does the second man feel grateful and rush to help? No. Usually, he feels angry. He feels guilty for not helping sooner. He feels trapped. He wants to pay back the debt quickly so he never owes anything again.

I have seen this happen many times in my court. When you remind someone they owe you, you make them dislike you. The kind thing you did becomes a chain around their neck. They don't remember your kindness warmly anymore. They remember it with bitterness.

Why Self-Interest Works Better

Self-interest is simple. People do things because they want something. When someone helps you because it helps them too, they truly want to do it. They are not helping because they feel forced to.

Think about a lord who helps you because your success makes him more powerful at court. He will work hard for you because he is also working for himself. He feels smart for seeing the opportunity. He is excited about what he might gain. He will want to work with you again in the future.

In my kingdom, the people who serve me best are those who benefit from my success. My best general fights hard because victory brings him glory and land. My wisest advisor gives good counsel because my strong reign keeps him powerful. This is not wrong. It is smart. When we both win, we both stay loyal.

How to Ask for Help the Smart Way

Before I ask anyone for anything, I first learn what they want. Does this duke want more land? Does this merchant want special trading rights? Does this knight want honor and recognition? Everyone wants something. If you know what that is, you can move them to action.

When I needed help from the powerful Earl of Westmarch for a war, I did not remind him of favors I had done for his family. Instead, I said, "My lord, this war will make the eastern border safe. Your lands are near there. When we win, trade will grow and your lands will prosper. Your name will be remembered as the protector of the east." The Earl joined me immediately. Not because he felt he had to, but because he saw his own glory in it.

When I needed loyalty from a baron who was wavering, I did not talk about his duty to me. I noticed his daughter needed a good marriage. I arranged a match with a worthy knight. The baron became loyal, not from duty, but because I helped him with what he truly wanted.

A merchant once tried to win my favor by reminding me he had once loaned money to the crown. It did not work. Another merchant showed me how a new trade deal would fill my treasury with gold while also making him rich. That merchant got what he wanted. When both of us win, the deal lasts.

Give People a Choice

Even though I am king and can command people, I have learned that willing help is worth much more than forced help. When people see how helping me helps them, they feel like they are choosing freely. This makes them work harder and stay more loyal.

The smartest people at my court understand this. They never trap people or make demands. They offer opportunities that look like requests. The other person feels wise for accepting. This is not trickery. It is respect for human pride.

Is This Right or Wrong?

Some people ask me, "Should we not help each other out of kindness? Is this not selfish?"

I tell them this: you can still be kind and generous. You can still help people without expecting anything back. But when you need something important done, do not rely on gratitude. Use what truly moves people to action.

When both people benefit, nobody feels used. Nobody feels resentful. The relationship lasts because it is built on something solid, not on guilt or duty.

Stories from History

Great kings throughout history have known this truth. When King Henry needed nobles to support his throne, he did not just ask for their loyalty. He gave them lands, titles, and power. He made them see that his success was their success. So they fought for him as if fighting for themselves.

The rich merchant cities did not build their wealth by calling in old debts. They created partnerships where everyone profited. Their success came from helping each other because it helped themselves.

Even royal marriages follow this rule. When a king seeks a marriage alliance with another kingdom, he does not beg. He shows how the marriage will make both kingdoms stronger, both families more secure, and both dynasties more powerful. It works because both sides clearly see their own advantage.

What I Have Learned

As I look over my kingdom from my castle, I think about this wisdom. Every successful alliance, every productive relationship in my realm has been built on mutual benefit, not on debts and obligations. The lords who serve me best are those who prosper when I prosper. The merchants who supply my armies are those who grow wealthy from our trade. The knights who defend my borders are those who win lands and glory through their service.

This is not being cruel or selfish. This is understanding how people truly work. When you understand what moves the human heart, you can build relationships that last through good times and bad times, through peace and war.

The next time you need help, whether you are a king or a farmer, a noble or a merchant, do not remind people of past kindness. Do not beg for mercy. Instead, look closely at the person you are asking. What do they want? What do they fear? What goals drive them forward? Answer these questions, and you will know how to move them to action.

Speak to their self-interest, and you will find more willing allies than all the debts in the world could buy. Build your power on mutual benefit, and your influence will grow strong and stand firm.

This is the wisdom I have learned on the throne, and it has served me well through peace and danger alike. May it serve you equally well, whatever position you seek in life.